


=> [S] The Baby: Be You

by aratakachaan



Series: holy shit dave is trans [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Canon Gay Relationship, Earth C (Homestuck), M/M, Post-Canon, Pregnancy, The Homestuck Epilogues, Trans Dave Strider, Trans Male Character, Trans Male Dave Strider
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2020-05-31
Packaged: 2021-03-03 08:26:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24467932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aratakachaan/pseuds/aratakachaan
Summary: Things are mostly peaceful on Earth C until Karkat finds out shocking news about his boyfriend Dave, but hopefully things will go well unless some asshole decides to ruin everything -- but that would never happen, right?
Relationships: Dave Strider & Karkat Vantas, Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas
Series: holy shit dave is trans [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1806178
Kudos: 28





	=> [S] The Baby: Be You

=> Reader: Be Dave.

You are now Dave.

You're sitting with Karkat at the kitchen table. He looked at you, bewildered.

KARKAT: SO HOW DID THIS HAPPEN, SUPPOSEDLY BEHIND MY BACK WHERE I COULDN’T NOTICE YOUR STOMACH GETTING OBSCENELY LARGER?

You pushed your hair back with a free hand and chuckled, giving your boyfriend a smary, jackass smirk.

DAVE: i dunno man you tell me  
DAVE: youre the one who got your troll jizz slurry in my cunt when we were having unprotected sex at some point  
DAVE: dont aliens have condoms like does that exist in alternia

Karkat audibly growled in frustration.

KARKAT: NO, YOU BLUBBERING DIPSHIT, BECAUSE TROLLS DON’T REPRODUCE THE SAME WAY HUMANS DO.  
KARKAT: I THOUGHT YOU WERE “TOTALLY NOT A XENOPHOBE” BECAUSE THAT SEEMS LIKE SOMETHING YOU’D BE AWARE OF.  
KARKAT: DAVE STRIDER, MASTER OF FORGETTING THINGS FIVE MINUTES AFTER THEY HAPPEN.  
DAVE: whoa hey back up  
DAVE: i wouldnt say five minutes give me some credit kk  
DAVE: maybe like 10 minutes at the most like i think youre just trying to slander the strider name with a statement like that  
DAVE: that hurts man

You very ironically put a hand on the left side of your chest, pretending that you’re heartbroken, making sure you make perfect eye contact with Karkat so he can see your shit-eating grin while you do.

KARKAT: WHY ARE YOU SUCH AN INSUFFERABLE DOUCHECANOE?  
DAVE: prick  
KARKAT: WHO ARE YOU CALLING A PRICK??  
DAVE: no im correcting you jackass im an insufferable prick  
DAVE: havent you even read this comic smh

You pushed a single strand of hair behind your ear, in a very cute and gay fashion which would probably make Karkat blush -- which he did, his face about as red as his candy red blood; though he also seemed red-faced due to anger, you weren’t really sure, it was hard to tell.

DAVE: anyway thats beside the point  
DAVE: so would you like some uh coffee or tea or something  
DAVE: or  
DAVE: ...coffee

Despite Karkat’s constant loud tone, the mood of the room was rather calm. The pitter patter of rain could be heard gently splashing against the window pane; you also heard what sounded like jazz music, coming from the living room -- probably playing during a show where Jake is shaking his hunk rump on camera.

KARKAT: I’LL HAVE A COFFEE, I SUPPOSE.  
KARKAT: BLACK WITH LOTS OF SUGAR.  
DAVE: you got it babe  
DAVE: gonna make you the best god damn coffee youve ever had  
DAVE: like some fucking twin peaks dale cooper ass coffee  
DAVE: fucking starbucks gonna go out of business because look at this hot motherfucking strider making the sickest fucking hot bean water youve seen this side of utah or some shit  
DAVE: do they even have starbucks in utah

You got up out of your seat to approach the kitchen counter where the kettle was -- very slowly with your legs cramping, trying to carry all of your excess baggage.

KARKAT: DAVE, YOU AND I BOTH KNOW THAT IT’S JUST INSTANT COFFEE POWDER. YOU’RE HARDLY EVEN “MAKING IT” YOURSELF.  
KARKAT: SOMETIMES I WONDER, IF I WASN’T AROUND TO KEEP YOUR EGO IN CHECK, YOU’D BE THE BIGGEST BLOATED DOUSHE ON EARTH C.

You let out a fake scoff.

DAVE: dude using vernicular from my own comic  
DAVE: youre fucking banned from this pussy for like 2 years dont even try to get a sniff of it im watching you ass hole  
KARKAT: I DON’T THINK IT REALLY MATTERS, CONSIDERING YOU PROBABLY CAN’T HAVE SEX FOR ANOTHER YEAR ANYWAY IF YOU’RE PREGNANT.  
DAVE: haha  
DAVE: dude  
DAVE: you can still have sex while youre pregnant dumbass  
DAVE: i mean if i dont move around a lot and you actually put rubber on your fucking tentabulge next time around  
DAVE: youre still banned anyway  
DAVE: and dont even THINK of looking at my hot ass

You could hear Karkat saying various explitives under his breath, including ones he probably made up.

You focus on making Karkat’s coffee first, and then yours. You like two milk and two sugar, a very classic choice. Holding a cup in each hand, you come to the startling realization that it will probably be difficult to walk back without tripping over your own weight and spilling the coffee everywhere like a jackass.

DAVE: hey uh kk  
DAVE: can i have some help here please  
DAVE: i dont want to spill the coffee everywhere like a jackass  
DAVE: whoa deja vu

Karkat let out a soft sigh, and then he got up to help you with holding the cups. He takes the cup that belongs to him; while in his hands, Karkat blows the steam off from the top.

KARKAT: WAIT A MINUTE, DAVE.  
KARKAT: ARE YOU EVEN ALLOWED TO DRINK COFFEE? WON’T THAT MAKE YOU SICK OR AFFECT THE BABY’S HEALTH?  
KARKAT: I’M NOT A HUMAN MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL OR ANYTHING, BUT THAT SOUNDS PRETTY IRRESPONSIBLE OF YOU.  
KARKAT: LIKE, MORE IRRESPONSIBLE THAN USUAL.

You looked over to the counter briefly, and then back to Karkat.

DAVE: i mean its decaf coffee  
DAVE: if anything id probably just get diarreah but thats normal  
DAVE: hey i keep myself pretty healthy i know how to take care of this irresistable hunky body so dont you worry your pretty little head about it

You leaned over to pat Karkat on the top of the head with your free hand, but Karkat hissed and threatened to bite your hand off like a wild animal, so you pulled back nervously.

Karkat would never admit it, but it was obvious that he was inspecting you up and down after you made the comment about your body being hunky (which it totally is). Regardless of whether you’re pregnant or not, Karkat thinks that you have a very chiseled and masculine physique, that he can’t take his eyes off of, sometimes.

You chose the adjectives for that last sentence, but you knew it was true anyway; you could always sense him staring at your bulbous ass while you’re not looking, almost as if you had a sixth sense for it; like that Bruce Willis movie. That movie was dumb as hell.

KARKAT: DAVE, YOU HAVE A VERY CHISELED AND MASCULINE PHYSIQUE.  
DAVE: wait what  
KARKAT: HAHA, JUST KIDDING! WHY THE FUCK WOULD I SAY THAT.  
DAVE: i mean you just did  
DAVE: so at some point those two specific adjectives used to describe my sexy body must have been floating around in your head so you decided to tell me  
DAVE: thank you i accept the compliment  
KARKAT: THERE’S NOTHING STOPPING ME FROM ENDING YOUR LIFE RIGHT NOW.

You took a long sip from your cup.

DAVE: k have fun  
DAVE: being in jail for homicide and also killing an unborn child  
DAVE: damn homie thats kinda fucked up  
DAVE: i mean i always figured mother grubs eat their young like some national geographic bullshit but still  
KARKAT: YOU REALLY DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT MY CULTURE AFTER ALL OF THE COUNTLESS TIMES I’VE TOLD YOU, DO YOU?  
DAVE: i know you got  
DAVE: horns  
DAVE: and big bulging tentacle penises  
DAVE: penii? penis plural  
KARKAT: TROLLS ONLY HAVE ONE PENIS, YOU ASSHOLE.  
KARKAT: I THINK I’M GOING TO GO BACK TO THE LIVING ROOM TO WATCH TV NOW.  
DAVE: hey come on baby dont be like that  
DAVE: you know i dont mean to be culturally insensitive  
DAVE: how about if i gave you a kissy wissy  
KARKAT: I SWEAR TO TROLL CHRIST, DON’T YOU EVER SAY SHIT LIKE THAT EVER AGAIN, OR I REALLY AM GOING TO KILL YOU.  
DAVE: someones being tsundere again  
DAVE: thats adorbs  
KARKAT: OH GOD. DID DIRK TEACH YOU THAT WORD? THAT ANIME BASTARD.  
DAVE: what no  
DAVE: i mean maybe idk  
DAVE: anyway do you want a kiss or not because theyre in limited supply and you dont want to miss out before theyre all gone now do you

Karkat let out an exhausted sigh of defeat. You knew that never in his life would he be able to resist that smooth Strider charm.

KARKAT: OKAY, BUT JUST A LITTLE ONE. NO TOUNGE.  
DAVE: ouch  
DAVE: harsh  
DAVE: anyway get ready because this kiss is gonna blow your fucking mind

You figured Karkat wasn’t expecting much more than your usual kisses, but you leaned down (slowly, so you wouldn’t fall over) and without a second thought pushed your lips directly against his --

Karkat wrapped an arm around your waist, trying to do the same with the one that was still holding a cup. You gently sucked on Karkat’s bottom lip, wishing you could get your tounge inside. You could feel Karkat’s entire body heat up from just a kiss; it was open-mouthed, messy, and desperate.

You don’t know if he could feel any hint of arousal -- as for you, maybe it was just the uncontrollable hormones, but you felt a tinge of warmth between your thighs, closing them to prevent yourself from getting too wet.

You breathed hotly into Karkat’s mouth, a breath that sounded more like a groan, and you heard him make the smallest whimper from the back of his throat. With your hand on his shoulder, you unexpectedly moved down towards his neck and tenderly kissed in the crook of it; you felt his body shiver ever so slightly, until he started to pull away.

KARKAT: UH, I KNOW YOU THINK IT WOULD BE NICE FOR US TO TOTALLY FUCK, BUT.  
KARKAT: I’D RATHER NOT RIGHT NOW.  
KARKAT: THAT WAS A GOOD KISS, THOUGH. COMPETENT, EVEN.  
DAVE: nah i understand  
DAVE: i kinda got carried away there in the heat of the moment and the intense throes of passion like something from one of your shitty romance novels with troll matthew mchonnnahy on the cover  
KARKAT: IT’S MCCONAUGHEY!  
DAVE: whatever  
DAVE: also my kisses are way more than just “competent” as if i couldnt hear you whining for me baby  
DAVE: eyebrows  
KARKAT: THAT’S NOT THE- LOOK, I’M DONE MY COFFEE, I’M GONNA LAY DOWN ON THE COUCH AND TAKE A NAP NOW.  
DAVE: whoa hey homeslice  
DAVE: i was about to lay down on the couch because you know i am carrying an undeveloped human-troll hybrid in my fatass uterus ay-tee-emm  
DAVE: at the moment  
KARKAT: I DON’T NEED YOUR LINGO EXPLANATION. AND YEAH, FINE, YOU CAN HAVE THE COUCH.  
KARKAT: MAYBE WE COULD, UH,

Karkat looked embarrassed. You had to admit that it was pretty cute.

KARKAT: LAY ON THE COUCH TOGETHER?  
DAVE: if you think you can squeeze in against my whale blubber then sure go nuts fam

Karkat took both of your now empty cups and put them in the sink. You had to stop in place because you felt a sudden sharp pain in your abdominal area, holding onto it in pain. You were grunting, trying to catch your breath.

DAVE: fuck  
DAVE: uhhh i need to. lay down  
DAVE: shit ugh

Karkat immediately noticed your discomfort, and rushed over to help you stay on your feet. Sometimes he really was considerate.

KARKAT: WHAT IS IT THAT’S HURTING? IS IT JUST YOUR STOMACH?  
DAVE: yeah ungh  
DAVE: cramps

Your breathing was getting labored, so Karkat, despite his small stature, assisted you towards the couch in the living room. You sat down at first, and Karkat held your hand as you laid down on your back.

DAVE: its hard being pregnant karkat  
DAVE: its hard and nobody understands  
KARKAT: WELL, YOU’RE RIGHT THAT I DON’T UNDERSTAND. BUT I CAN SYMPATHIZE AT THE VERY LEAST.  
KARKAT: NOW JUST RELAX AND TAKE SOME DEEP BREATHS.

You laid still, your hands holding onto where it hurt the most, and you inhaled and exhaled some breaths.

Looking over to the television, you saw Jake and Dirk having a play sword fight, with Dirk falling ass backwards into a garbage can. Dude sucks at this shit. You notice Karkat watching the same thing and hear him laugh to himself.

But the laugh stopped shortly after.

KARKAT: UH, DAVE, BY ANY CHANCE DOES ANYONE KNOW ABOUT YOUR PREGNANCY?  
KARKAT: LIKE, SAY, A FAMILY MEMBER? OR FRIEND? OR LITERALLY ANYONE THAT’S NOT ME?

There was a long, awkward pause.

KARKAT: I KNOW HE’S A PIECE OF SHIT, BUT MAYBE AT LEAST LET DIRK KNOW?  
DAVE: oh hell no  
DAVE: i assure you that he wouldnt give two shits because hes too busy being an egotistical twisted cycle path and being on his shitty tv show  
DAVE: like maybe rose but dirk? lmao

Karkat took a second before he spoke again.

KARKAT: I APOLOGIZE IF THIS IS A SENSITIVE SUBJECT TO TOUCH UPON, BUT HOW MANY OF OUR FRIENDS KNOW ABOUT YOUR, UM. GENDER SITUATION?  
KARKAT: BECAUSE IF THEY THINK YOU JUST HAVE A HUMAN PENIS IT MIGHT BE UNCOMFORTABLE FOR THEM TO ASK HOW YOU COULD GIVE BIRTH.  
KARKAT: I’M NOT ENTIRELY SURE HOW HUMAN GENDER WORKS, SO I PROBABLY SOUND LIKE A DICK.  
DAVE: karkat dude you always sound like a dick  
DAVE: but uh  
DAVE: rose definitely knows because aside from you shes the first person i talked about it with  
DAVE: went on about some freudian psychology shit about how my obsession with talking about phallic genitalia lead to contemplating my gender identity etc etc  
DAVE: i mean im already gay i guess people wouldnt expect me to hit them with a double whammy of sexuality and gender like damn son thats a two for one deal  
DAVE: except not really because the deal sucks shit  
KARKAT: CAN YOU TELL ME WITHOUT MONOLOGUING ABOUT IT? IT’S KIND OF IMPORTANT.  
DAVE: but babe you know i love monologuing  
DAVE: need an excuse to do my cool hand gesture  
KARKAT: THAT HAND GESTURE IS NOT COOL, IT MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE A TOOL. I CAN’T EVEN BEGIN TO FATHOM WHY YOU DO IT ALL THE TIME.  
DAVE: sounds like someones jealous  
DAVE: okay but for real uh im pretty sure kanaya would know as well thru rose  
DAVE: i told roxy too and it was chill because they get gender stuff  
DAVE: uh i havent told john but he would probably just be neutral anyway because hes not a homosexual or whatever  
KARKAT: SO YOU HAVEN’T TOLD DIRK?  
DAVE: man  
DAVE: no offense but are you obsessed with dirk or something like youve brought him up about 3 times  
DAVE: who cares what he thinks about me or my life like yeah at one point i looked up to the dude but i dont really give a shit anymore  
KARKAT: I JUST RECALL A TIME WHEN YOU TWO WERE MORE FRIENDLY WITH EACH OTHER, LIKE A FAMILIAL BOND.  
DAVE: yeah there was a time when that was a thing  
DAVE: feels so long ago  
DAVE: anyway who gives a fuck im just gonna walk into the room like the hoe that i am and go “hey bitches im fucking pregnant” and everyone in the vacinity starts swooning like oh god how can he be cool and sexy at the same time  
DAVE: maybe except for rose or roxy but if it was like jake idk sure  
DAVE: “oh dave will you please be my baby daddy” theyll say in adoration because some people have a fetish for that kinda thing  
DAVE: like the idea of a guy being a good dad drives the ladies batshit and probably the guys and even the people of no discernable gender  
DAVE: it transcends gender

You exhale a long breath, turning your body over to the side. You looked over to Karkat who was sitting on the arm of the sofa.

DAVE: karkat  
KARKAT: WHAT?  
DAVE: what if im a shitty dad  
DAVE: god what if its in my genes to be a fucking terrible parental figure  
KARKAT: DAVE… YOU DON’T KNOW THAT.  
KARKAT: YOU’RE YOUR OWN PERSON. IT DOESN’T MATTER WHO RAISED OR GAVE BIRTH TO YOU. THAT’S WHY THE IDEA OF ANCESTORS IS STUPID, WHY DO WE HAVE TO FILL IN THE SHOES OF SOMEONE WHO’S PROBABLY BEEN DEAD FOR LIKE 20 YEARS? MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE.  
KARKAT: YOU HAVE FRIENDS THAT CARE ABOUT YOU, AND, WELL,  
KARKAT: YOU HAVE ME.

You give him a fond smile.

DAVE: that was so gay dude  
DAVE: like mondo gay  
DAVE: on a scale of no homo to yes homo it was like maximum homo

Karkat looked like he was about to toss a throw pillow at you, but then realized your current perdicament. Meanwhile you felt your eyelids getting heavy, the buzzing sounds from the television humming in your ear. You were definitely about to pass out in the next few minutes, or seconds.

DAVE: hey karkitty  
KARKAT: YES, DAVEKITTY?  
DAVE: lmao thats wack  
KARKAT: THAT'S HOW RIDICULOUS IT SOUNDS WHEN YOU SAY THAT TO ME.  
DAVE: haha i love you karkat  
DAVE: anyway i was just gonna say  
DAVE: i think youll be a good dad too

You gave him a sincere smile, but not sincere enough for him to see your eyes beneath your shades. Karkat's face was flushed, feeling overwhelmed by such a genuine comment.

Before long you started falling asleep, the world around you becoming blurry as you closed your eyes.

KARKAT: NIGHT, DAVE.  
KARKAT: I LOVE YOU, TOO.

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah I got the idea for this from The Baby is You because I was like, "dave trans", but then "what if dave and karkat had a kid together" and then I made this.  
> It's rated M for now but the rating might change when I decide to write some sexy Davekat boning. Whenever that would be.
> 
> If any trigger warnings show up I'll put it in the notes at the top beforehand! It might revolve around Dirk because he's just like that (unfortunately)
> 
> Also I am a trans man so if you're here to comment about how I'm fetishizing trans people or whatever then. pick up a foot ball


End file.
